A Date with Richard Gere

I was flicking through the television channels the other night – all 1,000 of them – when I came across Julia Roberts and Richard Gere in the movie Pretty Woman.  It was the scene in which Julia and Richard (what were their movie names?) were dining at a very fancy restaurant with the shipping magnate (played by Ralph Bellamy) and his son. Julia had no idea which fork to use, how to butter her bread, which glass was hers, much less the proper way to eat escargots.  She could get away with it – after all, she’s Julia Roberts. 

But it got me to wondering … how might I fare in a similar situation?  I mean - if I were out to dinner with Richard Gere and I sent my snail flying across the restaurant, would he still love me?

Just in case you find yourself out to dinner with a movie star, Our Lady wanted me to pass the following etiquette tips on to you.

A Baker's Dozen ~ Etiquette Tidbits
from
Our Lady of Weight Loss, The Patron Saint of Permanent Fat Removal

1. Sit Down.  Not so fast … after your host/hostess sits. Follow her lead. 

2. The Napkin.  Now that you are seated, you should – within seconds – open the napkin and place it on your lap. Do not tuck it into your shirt, or if you’ve got a tie on, do not take your tie and throw it over your shoulder.  (Did I really have to tell you that?) Do not try to snap it open, either.  Never leave your napkin on the table.  If you need to leave the table, fold your napkin and place it on your seat.

3. The Holy Bread Basket. Take a knife and cut a piece from the loaf.  Take some butter and put it on your plate, not on the bread.  Tear a bite-size piece of bread from the bread that you just cut and put on your plate.  Butter it from your newly formed butter pile.   Eat it.  Repeat if you like.  One piece at a time.

4. The Utensils.  Use them from the outside in.  Each utensil corresponds with a course, so if you skip the first course, skip the first utensil.  Never ever let a used utensil hit the table.

5. The Water Glass.  It’s always to your right. The dinner roll is to your left.  (Hint: They’re in alphabetical order.  Roll / Water. Get it?)

6. The Soup.  Do not put the entire spoon in your mouth.  Load it -  rather, fill your spoon about 75% with soup, bring it to your mouth, and sip it from the side.

7. The Meat (chicken or fish).  Start from one end or the other, never in the middle, and cut one piece at a time.  Have you ever seen anyone cut all their meat, potato and vegetables - put the knife down and chow down?  Very gauche.

8. Sit Up Straight. Do not let your elbows touch the table.

9. Pass the Salt (and the Pepper).  When someone asks for the salt, pass the two together.  And don’t salt your food until you’ve tasted it first.  It’s an insult to the cook.

10. Masticate Your Food. Do not chew with your mouth open. Do not talk with food in your mouth. Masticate and swallow first.

11. You’re A Mess.  Did you spill something?  Drop your napkin on the floor? Burp?  Don’t make a big deal over it.  Stay calm.  Quietly apologize.  In other words, confess and move on.

12. Finger Food.  If you’re not sure whether you should eat something with your fingers, opt for a utensil, but here’s a short list.

Artichokes
Asparagus (only if it’s without sauce)
Bacon (only if it’s crisp)
Sandwiches (duh)
Cookies (duh)
Small fruits or berries with stems
Burgers, Dogs, Corn on the Cob (obviously)
Caviar
Pickles

13. The Spectacular Ending:  Place your knife and fork on the plate so that they are parallel to each other and on a diagonal - pointing toward the eleven o’clock position. Do not place them in the “X” position.  The “X” indicates that you are resting between bites. 

When everyone has finished their meal, you may place your napkin on the table, next to your plate, loosely – not tied in a funny knot or twisted.

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Tasty Tidbit: Escargots, the French word for snails, is an appetizer dish of cooked land snails. Typically, the snails are removed from their shells, gutted, cooked (usually with garlic butter). They are then poured back into the shells, with the butter and sauce for serving. Special snail tongs (for holding the shell) and snail forks (for extracting the meat) are generally provided.

 

Special notice: There's a KICK in the TUSH CLUB forming in Houston - Oklahoma City - Brevard County, Florida. Want more info? Want to stay a Kick in the Tush Club in your area? Send me an email! info@ourladyofweightloss.com

 

LINKS:
Emily Post on etiquette!
Rules of Etiquette. The Tea Ceremony.
Want a date? Planning a trip? Dating Etiquette in Germany.
How to fold a fancy napkin.

Our Lady's Tush Bustin' Tips Exercise Tips for Exercise Drop-Outs & Top Ten Weight Loss Tips

Set up a KICK in the Tush Club in your area.

The Ten Commandments of Permanent Fat Removal as seen on Good Morning America!

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Righteous Recipe ~ Mexican Bruschetta - from JDW, DC -
"Here's my Our Lady approved recipe. Easy, light and delicious. Enjoy!"

Ingredients: 4 cloves of garlic smashed and coarsely chopped 1 tablespoon olive oil (two if you want to splurge) yellow juicy tomato, sliced thin 2 whole wheat tortillas 1/4 cup chopped cilantro cayenne pepper salt and pepper to taste

Directions: Preheat oven to about 450 degrees - Mix garlic with a tablespoon or two of olive oil - Slice one tomato (yellow, if available) and mix with oil, salt and pepper to taste -  Lightly oil (or spray) a baking sheet and place two whole wheat tortillas, lightly sprinkled with cayenne -  Arrange tomato slices on the tortillas and top with a couple sprigs of coarsely chopped cilantro -  Bake for 15 minutes or until tortillas are browned and crispy.

Want to whip up another dish?
Send Our Lady your favorite recipe! Keep them easy, low-cal and FUN.

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Pious Project™ - Food for Thought Napkin Rings -

It’s always nice to end the day with a hot cup of tea.  Relaxing, delicious, and if caffeine free, we’ve managed to get in another glass of water. Yogi Tea's Healing Formulas are among my favorites.  They’re really good AND they have cool labels and fun tea bags with thoughtful sayings on the them.  They are perfect for recycling into “Food for Thought Napkin Rings.” A great conversation piece that provides some “Food for Thought” before we chow down.

Here’s how to make a set for your next dinner party.

Supplies:
Paper towel cardboard tube
Small paint brush or sponge brush
Gold acrylic paint
Glitter pen
Craft glue
Tea bags and tea wrappings

Instructions: Cut paper towel tube into six even pieces (for six napkin rings). Paint each piece, inside and out with gold acrylic paint. Rip off the packaging that holds the individual tea bag and paste it onto the napkin ring. (I always glue my stuff on slightly off center.)
Next glue the tea bag tag with the saying onto the opposite side of the napkin ring. This one says "If we practice listening, we become intuitive." (Now that's Food for Thought!) Take the glitter gun and 'paint' a little around the labels. This is a simple version. Feel free to embellish it as you like. With pearls, sequins, whatever!

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Dear OLofWL, I absolutely LOVE the thin flops idea!!!!  What a great way to stay grounded when temptation is threatening to whisk us away!  I'm headed to the dollar store tomorrow to make my own pair!  Not only will I have a fabulous, one of a kind, fashion statement, but I can gaze down at my toes and remind myself that I want to keep seeing my feet!!!!  Thanks for the inspiration! ~ Thea L.